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Showing posts from 2011

Not-So-Perfect Christmas Memories

As a mom, I want Christmas to be perfect. I put a lot of pressure on myself to get everything done and to do it well. But, as a kid, I don't think I ever expected Christmas to be perfect. I just loved this time of year when everyone in my family stopped being so busy with their ordinary tasks and just enjoyed spending time together. Here are a few random and precious memories of my Christmases past: 1) My mom, her sister Roberta, and my grandma "Honey" telling stories at the kitchen table. The more they talked, the harder they laughed. I remember my Aunt Bert with tears streaming down her face trying to make them stop talking so she could get her breath and stop cracking up. 2) One year my dad had the flu. We also had a house full of relatives. I remember my aunt and mom bundling my dad up and propping him with pillows next to the tree. Feverish and flushed, my dad was not his usual self - but my aunt kept teasing him - and we all loved him back to health. 3)

Mothers and Daughters: Lessons from The Joy Luck Club

Last night, I watched a favorite movie of mine, The Joy Luck Club , with my teenage daughter. The movie, adapted from the novel by Amy Tan, tells the stories of four Chinese mothers and the daughters they raised in America. It was just as powerful as I remembered it to be. The Joy Luck Club  begins by introducing the daughters who are trying to forge their own identities in America and apart from their very traditional Chinese parents, specifically their moms. The women are both irritated by their mothers' concerns and, yet, still anxious for their approval. One woman fears that her mother will never accept her white, very non-Chinese, fiance. Another thinks her mother will never really be proud of who she has become. Both women yearn for their moms to approve of them to be proud of them. What they do not realize, is that they are. The movie makes a point that resonates deep within me. As mothers (and former daughters) we must be honest about the events that have made us

Christmas Advent: How do you celebrate with your kids?

The weeks leading up to Christmas are among the busiest for most families. The parent to-do list is endless: shopping, baking, cards, decorating, scheduling parties and activities. And, in the midst of it all, there is the nagging feeling in our hearts that maybe we should be doing things differently. How do we push aside the "to-do" list and take time to honor the holiday with our children? How do we help them realize that Christmas is not just about toy commercials and making "I want" lists, but about celebrating the birth of Christ and spending time with those we love? A recent facebook post by one of my former students, Misty Zeller, suggested a great idea. She has a basket of Christmas cards that each list a potential family activity. She has her kids choose one, open it, and use it to inspire a creative time with her little ones. One of her friends said that she wraps up all of the old Christmas story books. Each night the children unwrap one and she o

Glee No Longer Makes Me Happy

The last episode of Glee has disappointed its former fans, myself included. Gone are the lighthearted moments. Gone is the focus on dance numbers and creative costuming. Gone is the emphasis on teacher and student mentoring relationships. The old tween appropriate style and spirit of Glee is being crushed by the weight of controversial social agendas and sensationalism. Even the producers must know this as they are shifting the time slot of the show to the "mature viewing" hour. The sad reality is that many young viewers will follow the show to this new time slot and view material they may not be ready to see. There has been an increasing emphasis on homosexuality on the show. While I originally admired the show's tackling of a gay teen and parent relationship, the new episodes make it seem like homosexuality is commonplace and changeable. Two cheerleader girls, who both were previously very actively heterosexual are now "hooking up" in a relationship. Bri

An Ode to the Old Fashioned Movie Theatre

When my brother Tim and I were little, my parents would drop us off at the Lansing Cinema for a double feature. We would watch Tim Conway in the Apple Dumpling Gang . One Saturday, we watched the four-hour long epic, Gone with the Wind . The theatre was dark and musty. The velvet upholstered seats were stained and lumpy - and a few had duct tape across the arms since they were no longer safe to sit in. Popcorn was less than a dollar for a huge bucket. We could pay for our tickets, popcorn, drinks, and candy and still have change for a ten dollar bill. We had never heard of a cineplex or multiplex. The Lansing Cinema auditorium was huge and probably sat several hundred viewers. Most of the time, it was half empty. Heavy velvet drapes would part slowly, creaking as they moved, and the projectionist would start the film. A real person operated the projector, and if the movie started to skip or went out of focus, the whole theatre would yell to wake him up and fix it. At old mo

My Top Ten Female Book Characters

I met each of these women in the pages of books. They are fiesty and memorable individuals. They did things I wished I had been brave enough to do and said things that I wanted to say. If they were alive (and I think they might be), I'd be proud to have them as friends. 10. Nancy Drew - With her snappy little car and her lawyer father, she was brave and daring and intelligent. She solved cases and had no fear of creepy houses or terrible villains. 9. Muriel Pritchett - from Anne Tyler's The Accidental Tourist - A wacky scattered dog walker who talked a mile a minute, she was able to shake boring travel writer, Macon Leary, right out of his funk. 8. Laura Ingalls Wilder - Another childhood favorite, Laura was impulsive and tomboyish. She wasn't afraid to throw her enemy, that prissy Nellie Olson, on the ground and beat her up. I'd be happy to have her on my side. 7. Portia Quayne - from Elizabeth Bowen's Death of the Heart - She develops a ser

The Help, The Crucible, and Witchy Women

Two pieces of literature came to a crossroads in my mind last week. I finally got around to reading The Help , Kathryn Stockett's bestselling novel and movie, which depicts the conflicted relationships between African American housekeepers in the South and the women for whom they worked. That same week, as a fulfillment of my daughter's Social Studies homework, I re-watched the movie The Crucible , based on Arthur Miller's famous play about the Salem witch trials. The Help is an amazing book. I loved the varied perspectives and the way it illuminated a slice of history that I know very little about. I found myself cheering for Abileen and Skeeter who were brave, wise, and wonderful women, each standing up against the repressive culture of their time. At one point in the novel, I came upon a date - 1963, and was shocked to realize that this period of American history happened during my own life time. I was born in 1965. Since I grew up in the Midwest, my experience

The Parthenon and Middle School Projects

Yesterday, my daughter and I worked on her English class homework assignment. She was asked to take one of her vocabulary words and make a poster to represent its meaning. We brainstormed her assigned word "adage" and decided to create a wise old owl who is quoting proverbs. Then, our creative side took over. We found paint, construction paper, feathers and googly eyes. We painted and glue-gunned our hearts out. What started out as a simple illustration became a 3-D extravaganza. It was big and colorful and could fit well into any kindergarten classroom. At 9 pm, she came back into my room with a smirk on her face. "I just saw some messages that my friends are posting on facebook," she said. "I don't think we were supposed to make a big poster. They're talking about just taping an illustration on a piece of notebook paper." We both looked at her gigantic, colorful project and busted out laughing. Perhaps we'd made a bit TOO much effor

Your Favorite Book?

What was your favorite book as a middle-school or high school student? Do you remember what you read for fun - and why you loved it? Please jot down your answers: I will post every comment! My favorite was the first LONG book I ever read: Mrs. Mike . It detailed the adventures of a young woman who married a Canadian mounty. It balanced romance with rugged adventures and even detailed an amputation. It pulled me far away from Wolcott Junior High School in Thornton, Illinois, into another world of snow and horses and drafty log cabins. I was sad to see it end! What was one of your favorites at that age?

Dance Moms & Concerned Parenting

Some days it's tough to be a mom. I watched the Lifetime show Dance Moms last night. The show focuses on one particular dance school named for instructor and owner, Abby Lee Miller. Set in Pittsburgh, the reality drama follows a group of pre-teen dance students as they train hard to win prizes. My daughter was only enrolled in dance for a brief time - when she was four years old. She was in a combo ballet, tap, and gymnastics class led by a 75-year-old woman named Miss Jeannie. Parents were enthralled as we watched our little ballerinas sashay behind their animated teacher. The young girls loved Miss Jeannie. Our second experience was not so great. Sabrina wanted to audition for the local Nutcracker ballet. She had limited experience, so was cast as a Toy Soldier. I did not expect the intensity of both the teachers and the parents. Competition was fierce. The instructors threatened parents that if our children missed or were late more than twice - they would be thrown out o

Happy Birthday to Our Daughters

This year, on October 6th, our daughter Sabrina will turn 14. We will celebrate another birthday that same day. Our other daughter, Noellia, lives in the Dominican Republic. Noellia and Sabrina share the same birthday, the same age, born on the exact same day. We support Noellia through the sponsor-a-child program at World Vision. http://www.worldvision.org/ Our daughter, Sabrina, loves to read. She is always on her computer. She loves anime and cosplay and Japanese food. She gives a creative spark to everything she does, whether it is the clothes she chooses to wear or her hair styles. She is kind hearted and a wonderful friend. She is extremely smart and humble. Her dad and I are very proud of her. We have never met Noellia. But, she has a smile that lights up every photo. She has been our sponsored child for about five years through World Vision. She has a pet goat. She helps her parents with chores like carrying water. She has resilience and determination and wants to be a docto

Baptized in Humanity

I stood in the middle of Miami International Airport, arms spread, palms facing up, feet on the two yellow footprints painted on the cement floor. The female security agent was a foot shorter than me, her brown braided hair came only to my chin. She pulled on latex gloves. "I'm going to pat you down," she said, "But when I come to sensitive areas, I'll use the back of my hand." I nodded. "Would you prefer to move to a private area?" she asked, her eyes softening. "No," I shrugged. "This is fine." My husband was behind me in line - and another security agent was being summoned to give him the same inspection. We had decided to opt out of the x-ray machine that was scrutinizing everyone attempting to fly out of Miami. The funny thing is that even after passengers were x-rayed, another agent was patting them down anyway. Regardless, the whole process made me feel like a common criminal. Between the spread-eagle pat do

Finding My Inner Gleek

The first two times I watched the smash hit television series Glee , I hated it. I didn't like the characters or the plot - and, frankly, I found some of it offensive. But this summer, I found it again on Netflix - so, starting from the beginning, my soon-to-be 8th grader daughter and I watched it. I was hooked. I had thought this was a show about high school and singing - and it is. But it is also a show about people who are multi-faceted and quirky - people who don't fit in or who don't think they fit in high school or in society. People like me. I have now watcheed Glee up until mid-season 2. And, while I would still offer some parental cautions abou the show's content - I think there is much about it to love: 1) Will Schuster - Here is a teacher who loves his students. I had a few teachers like this in high school who loved us - and we knew it. One was my English teacher, Mr. Gansauer. We loved to talk to him and listen to his stories. He was funny and sm

You're It!

Thanks to my friend, writer, and fellow blogger Amanda Cleary Eastep for passing along this blog prompt. Try it out on your blog or just enjoy reading it and meeting some new bloggers! What do you think of when you the hear the word tag? I think of recess at Parkside School in Thornton, Illinois. I remember being "it" a lot because I wasn't so good at running or any type of outdoor activity. I also remember the "cootie" stage where the girls would try to catch the boys or boys catch the girls and "infect" them. Do you think you’re hot? Last week, I was extremely hot :-). The humidity was killing me. My husband and I did the air conditioning battle - he inched the dial up - and I put it back down. No - seriously - I feel like at age 45 I am finally growing into my body and becoming less worried about my appearance. Upload a picture or wallpaper that you’re using at the moment. This is a sunset in Door County, Wisconsin - always one of my favorite

Sitting at His Feet

When I read the story of Mary and Martha, I always thought I was Mary, sitting adoringly at the feet of Jesus. Now I’m sure that I’m definitely Martha. I don’t want to be, but I am. There are two interesting passages about Mary and Martha in Scripture: the one where the sisters are hosting a dinner party for God’s only Son (imagine the stress that event would inspire in the heart of any woman if you will) and the second when their brother Lazarus died, and Jesus showed up for the wake. When Jesus comes to dinner, Martha is a nervous wreck. I know just how she feels. When I am having guests at our house, my cleaning genetic kicks in. I dust – sometimes even lifting objects up to dust underneath them. I dust off my recipe books and cook something better than Hamburger Helper. Sometimes – because I am so stressed about everything, I barely focus on my guests. I forget to have fun. Martha was like that. In this passage, Jesus is over to dinner and she is running around like sh

I Think I Can: But What If I Can't?

As a child and as a parent, I loved the storybook, The Little Engine That Could . In the book, a brave little train attempts to make it up a big hill. He accomplishes this feat by sheer determination and bravado – pushing and struggling his way to the top. However, at my college’s graduation this week, the keynote speaker referred to that childhood book in a different light. He said to these new graduates, “The truth is…You can’t do everything.” He suggested that we don’t do our children any favors when we tell them that they can do anything, that they can be anything they want to be. The truth is, there are some things they can’t do and things they won’t be able to be. His point was that, as parents, we’ve bought into a culture that emphasizes encouragement in all things. We want all of our kids to be winners – we want everyone’s self esteem to be protected. But, the truth is, that we aren’t all good at everything. Some of us are better at public speaking. Some people have t

The Trials of Being a Girl: Cliques and Friendships

When I was in junior high, the cool girls sat at a different lunch table. Every day, they would sit together in the lunchroom – the four of them – Jodi and Teresa and Diane and Cindy, chatting and giggling with secrets that only they shared. They did the same thing every noon. They would each purchase a different type of bagged chips or cheese popcorn, unfold a napkin, and pour the contents into one provocative mix. The rest of us girls would look up over our individual paper sack lunches with envy. If only we could be a part of their clique – if only we could take part of that chip mix. In her novel Cat’s Eye , author Margaret Atwood describes the sometimes troubling friendships of girls: "Little girls are small and cute only to grown-ups. To each other they are life sized.” As grown women, we often reminisce about our childhood friendships. Many of us had a best friend, someone who we confided in and played alongside: from swing sets to Barbies to trying on our older sis

Why I Loved Being a Band Geek

As I sat in the audience at my daughter's handbell concert, the third one of the year, I couldn't help but say a silent thank you to my own mom and dad who faithfully attended my many band and choir concerts. My music experience began in 2nd grade - taking piano lessons from Mrs. Vanden Bosch. In 5th grade, I joined the Wolcott Jr. High band pictured above. I am the one not dressed in uniform in the first row, second from the left. Our band director, Mr. Pitts, was an older balding man who wore short sleeve cotton shirts and frequently smoothed down his unrully white wiry hair. Mr. Pitts would patiently lead our beginning band as we squawked and squeaked through the notes. Shaking his head in despair, he would play the song for us on his upright piano. He would then raise his baton back to our 5th grade band, begging us to play anything that resembled the correct tune. "Marching to Pretoria" was Mr. Pitts favorite song. We played it again and again while marching

Growing Up Baptist: Pot Luck Dinners

My childhood church had a cinderblock, cement-floored basement that we used as a fellowship hall. We had huge sliding paneled partitions that could be rolled out for Sunday School or Awana club meetings. But, on special occasions, the partitions were rolled to one end, and folding tables came out – each one decorated with a white paper and a centerpiece. It was time for a Baptist potluck. Baptists like to eat and cook together – thus they organize a tremendous number of potluck dinners. We had potlucks for funerals, for special occasions, for retirements, for youth group graduations. At every potluck, the women would bring out a huge metal coffee pot, and set up three eight-foot long tables in front to hold the bounty of food offerings. Women would come bustling in before church carrying casserole dishes covered with kitchen towels. As a child, the selection of food was intimidating. I remember trying to remember which dish my mom brought. There were casseroles made of hambu

Secret Millionaire: Teaching Our Kids About Poverty & Need

When we were very little, I remember driving through the worst section of a big city with my family. We were lost, I believe, and my dad was gripping the steering wheel of our 1970s station wagon tightly as he navigated unfamiliar streets. Scroungy looking men were hanging out on the corners, and my mom locked our car doors and whispered a tense command to the back seat: "If I say the word, duck." Poverty was generally unfamliar to us. It is not that we were rich. I grew up in a middle class suburban neighborhood - extremely blue collar. My town's claim to fame was that we had the world's biggest limestone quarry. Every day, around 10 am, a dynamite blast would shake the walls of our ranch-style home. My parents were public school teachers, and, while money was tight, we always had clean clothes and new shoes when we needed them, and a hot-cooked meal on our table every night. My first real experience with poverty came during my time as a college student at Moody

Confused by Your Child's Media Choices?

I am always on the look out for web-sites that will make my job as a parent easier. I was looking for information on the content of a movie I wanted to watch with my daughter. I remember the movie being very strong and powerful, and I thought she could easily handle it, but I couldn't remember why the movie had earned its R rating. This web-site is extremely helpful in giving specific content about an array of media choices, from DVDs to games to tv shows and the internet. Commonsensemedia is designed to help parents review media choices both before and while their kids are involved in them. It allows kids, parents, and educators to review material. Their mission statement is helpful: "We exist because our nation's children spend more time with media and digital activities than they do with their families or in school, which profoundly impacts their social, emotional, and physical development . As a non-partisan, not-for-profit organization, we provide trustworthy in

Hot off the Press! Creative Journal for Christian Teens

Aletheia is a magazine that takes teens seriously. It gives them a voice. It listens. It allows them to imagine and communicate in creative ways. What a great idea! When I was in high school, I had an English teacher who told me I was a good writer. Not only did she notice this talent in me, but she recruited me to be a part of a competitive writing team. It was that teenage experience that caused me to gain confidence and to pursue the career I enjoy today. Perhaps that is why I see such potential for teens in the world of creativity. I love to recognize that spark in younger people and give them a gentle nudge to make their unique voice heard. This new magazine offers opportunities, not just for teens to hear the words or advice of others, but to become published contributors! Aletheia takes its name from the Greek word for "truth." Creativity here is about truth telling through poems, short stories and photography. The issue boasts an impressive amount of full-color

I'm Becoming Obsolete

Do you remember when you used to have to get up off of the couch to change the channel on your television? If you do, you're old like me. I was telling my college students the other day about how the new formats of media are actually changing the way we act and think. Consider the things that young people now have never experienced. Can you add to my list? 1) Physically turning the knob on a television to get a new station. In addition, we often had to adjust the rabbit ear antennas on the top of the set and sometimes still dealt with a scrolling picture. 2) Waiting for a movie to be released on television. I remember watching The Wizard of Oz once a year. Once a movie was shown in the theater, we often did not see it for years. VCRs changed our ability to see old movies. 3) Watching home movies on reel-to-reel projectors or, better yet, slides. I have a slide that shows my family watching slides. This was a big family event - to set up a screen and gather around a slid

Coveting the Ten Commandments

Once a year, our small Baptist church would host a revival. When I was ten years old, the featured evangelists were Cowboy Ken and Aunt Marge. The husband and wife came dressed in full cowboy get-up – Cowboy Ken wore the requisite ten-gallon hat, western belt, plaid shirt and jeans. His wife, Aunt Marge, was a busty woman in a western fringed dress that would sway when she sang. They could swing a lasso and preach with enthusiasm. But what really drew us kids back night after night was their offer of a special prize: a Ten Commandments charm bracelet. Cowboy Ken told us that if we memorized each of the night’s seven passages of Scripture, and were able to recite them before the church at the end of the revival, we would earn the glittering gold bracelet. I was determined to win that prize. So I began to memorize Scripture. Night after night I worked on my passage. And, night after night, we listened to Cowboy Ken preach the gospel. My best friend and I liked to sit close enough

Henna Tattoos and Teenage Hearts

Today, my daughter wanted me to help her put henna tattos on her hands. I gave her the kit for Christmas because it reminded me of our last summer. At a street fest , Sabrina and I had both gotten henna tattoos. The scrolling flowers and leaves were stained onto our hands and lasted an impressive two weeks. Mixing the powder with eucalyptus was fairly easy. We had to let the pasty brown mixture sit for 45 minutes, then I carefully squirted it onto her hands in flowing lines. The design sat and hardened, turning a deeper brown and then black. Little by little the powder cracked and fell off leaving behind a brown stain. The henna left its mark. Henna tattoos are a nice picture of our job as parents. Day in and day out, through conversations and laughter, through tears and sometimes arguments, we are impressing our beliefs and our faith on our kids. We might not even realize, sometimes, that it is sticking. They may shrug off our views and opinions as old-fashioned or uninformed. Bu

Things That Keep Parents Up At Night: MTV's Newest Shocker, SKINS

In evaluating the value of media, some critics find it helpful to ask whether the media is prescriptive or descriptive. In other words, does it describe reality - even tough reality - or is it trying to "prescribe" what we (and our children) should think or do? While many Christians would hope to shelter their children from difficult subjects, most of us agree that addressing tough topics can be important. We want our kids to make right choices, but we don't want them to be completely naive and unaware of this difficult and sinful world that they must exist in. We want them to engage in descriptive television shows and books that teach them about tough subjects. That is why we have them read books about the Holocaust or think through tough ethical issues like the death penalty and racial inequality. What we fear, as parents, is that some of these tough shows about tough subjects will actually educate and indoctrinate our kids with the depravity of their generation. Th